irish i may

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

25 Poems of Christmas: January 5

Sorry about this cheesy selection. It's just that it's so true!

The Month After Christmas 
or A Visit from Jenny Craig

Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house 
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse. 
The candy I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste 
At the holiday parties had gone to my waist. 

When I got on the scales there arose such a number! 
Then I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber). 
I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared; 
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared, 

The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese 
And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please." 
As I dressed myself in my husband's sweat suit 
And prepared to dig in to the warm brie-en-croute.

But I said to myself, as I only can, 
"You can't spend a winter disguised as a man!" 
So—away with the last of the sour cream dip, 
Get rid of the rum cake, every cracker and chip 

Every last bit of food that I like must be banished 
"Till all the additional ounces have vanished. 
I won't have a cookie—not even a lick. 
Just let me chew on a celery stick." 

I won't have hot biscuits, or pasta, or pie, 
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry. 
I'm hungry, no, starving, and life is a bore— 
But isn't that what January is for? 

The party is over, we are done with the riot. 
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!

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